The Never List

SB, we are thinking that a staircase might be more appropriate for J2skiers. Perhaps we can have a ranking system too :D

Pavel,
This is uncanny. My first ski wear was ~ home made ski pants, stitched together by the sister of a member of our folk group, ~ and my jacket was also ex-army camoflage, desert thickness, (ie, dead thin), five shillings from Ellis Brighams. That was when Ellis had only one shop, in Cathedral Street, Manchester. My skis were wooden base, painted, screw on edges, cable bindings, Elan Jets, £3.00, also Ellis Brigham. I am not even going to mention my first ski boots' suffice to say, four laces were involved!
My first racing skis were Kneissl White Star, 215cm. But they also had to double up as off piste skis. (since there were no piste machines!)

NEVER:
-Wait until a German leaves half a Wienerschnitzel., and then nip in quick, as he leaves, and finish it off before the waitress gets there.
-Seize an opportunity, like when a waitress delivers an ice cream desert to a drunken German, just as he is getting up to go to the toilet, and just never - nip across, eat the ice cream, and get back to your table, stare forlornly into your half empty glass of milk, and watch the German arrive back, gaze at the empty plate, scratch his head, and call for the bill.
-Cut a set of inner soles for your boots, from a carpet square hidden under the bed. Especially when you have to face the haus frau next season.

Dave Mac,

Ha,,,,the sins are coming out!
Ha,,,such wonderful sins !
Ha,,, such wonderful sinners.

The final message is; if you have a passion,,nothing will stop you! You will find the way to achieve this passion!

Never sit in a hot bathtub with your new leather boots for more than an hour!
Never sleep in the furnace room of the ski base lodge.
Never tell your parents "a friend has invited you to ski during Christmas"
Never let Warren Miller convince you to translate his jokes in French to a French audience ( silence)

Dave Mac,,,,I believe your mother had a twin ( and never told you) !


Now for a real sinful story!

Many years ago when skiing was not a tourist "attraction" there was a small village that had a shrine near a major ski center. Lots of hotels but only opened in the summer for the flock to ask for a miracle! In winter it was a ghost village,,except for a few sinners who "on Sunday would ski" ! It was at one time a sin NOT to go to church on Sunday!

I could not find a room so I asked directions to the next village from a priest ( who happened to be a concierge of a hostel) ! He was lonely and found me "different" (not his religion, young, not crippled, etc,,) . So we struck a bargain. He would let me stay at his "hostel" for free, if I would discuss "religious matters" with him for one hour in the evenings!
You see I had told him that I did not believe some of his concepts, some of his rituals and by chance I had just finished a university course in comparative religions of the world! In short I was cocky, full of my knowledge and yes a bit arrogant ( university education does that to young males)!
Every morning I would leave to ski just 1 km. away. Every night, after supper we would have "discussion" about his beliefs and my beliefs. The origins of holy water, the candles, the conflicting scriptures,the histories of popes and their wives ( of course mistresses), etc,,,, In my sinful arrogant way I held back no punches comparing others religions with his! Some historical truths are accepted by all but the faithful!

It was a delicious intellectual dual every night!

On the second night another priest "happened" to stop by!
On the third night another joined in our discussion!

You can see where this is going!

In my stupid arrogant manner I was "questioning" ,,no rejecting some fundamental concepts, practices, issues that others did not dare even consider!

I really must have been a strange sight to these priests. A young university educated boy who was so ignorant of the "important" aspects of life, death, the soul, hell, heaven etc,,,

I had a great ski week! They must of had a terrible week!

My sin ?


Well, 10 years later I am lecturing in a university and at the end of class a man comes up to me, smiles , extends his hand out and says, "thank you" !

I assumed it was for the lecture I just presented.

"I am here because of you" he continues. "Not only do I now ski but I have left the priesthood and becoming a psychiatrist" !

Some of you may have read his many books!

Pavel

Never, oh never have a ruby murray (curry) with lime pickle and then go skiing, away from the huts the next morning. It could turn nasty :shock: There's no room for brown runs in the resort :lol:

AlistairS wrote:Never, oh never have a ruby murray (curry) with lime pickle and then go skiing, away from the huts the next morning. It could turn nasty :shock: There's no room for brown runs in the resort :lol:

I skied a brown run in La Thuile, poooo it was a steepy :wink:

Never ski with a hip flask.

This is because it affects your balance.

Far better to ski with two hip flasks...

A never ever item that many good skiers do!

You often see this sin on net!

It goes something like this;

Going to XYZ ski center and want to know where powder is?

Want to really know where pros, patrollers, regulars go for those hidden spots?

First never ask on net!!!! ( silly man/women might as well get a billboard)

Second never ask in parking lot!

Third never stop any of the above at base lodge and ask. That is "gauche" !

Then how do you find out where "stash", hidden pockets of treasure are ?

You have to be "accepted" as worthy of such a prize.

You must impress pros, guides, patrollers that you can keep up, ski at their level.
That you will not be a problem.

Finally that you will at end of day offer "thanks" in tangible ways such as a "beer" or two!