What's your funniest moment...

... on a ski holiday?

Can be on or off-slope, for instance almost making your mate wet the bed when you tell him that Jim Kerr has a stupid haircut (you had to be there.)

Well..?

skidaddle wrote:... on a ski holiday?

Can be on or off-slope, for instance almost making your mate wet the bed when you tell him that Jim Kerr has a stupid haircut (you had to be there.)

Well..?

Right, I didnt wet the bed, and you told me that Jim Kerr's hair looked like a telephone. And you were absolutely right.

On the same holiday, you went to bed with a 5 foot bottle of Heineken which I had borrowed from the nearest bar. And you came back with your face painted like a pirate the same night. Hmmm.

I also think that waking up the first morning in BKK with a temperature and a thumping head and wondering what was wrong, only to discover that I hadnt pulled the bed down from the wall properly and had slept at about a 30 degree angle, with my feet about 18 inches higher than my head.

The same morning I ordered a coffee to try to help the hangover. "Mit sahne?" asked the lady. "Ja" I replied, expecting a drop of creamy milk, and was promptly handed what looked like a 99 without the flake. "Was it das?" I asked. "Sahne" came the stern reply. "Scheisse" I said before running to the toilet, and returning to find Skidaddle lying down on one of the cafe tables.

Or the time Skidaddle ordered a coffee and a snickers in 4 different languages, complete with exaggerrated accents, at which point I emptied the contents of 2 coffees into my tray whilst running back to my seat in tears of laughter.

Or the cafe at the petrol station in BKK where we had fantastic cake and discovered that one could buy a watering can and a pair of tights from the same small stand in the shop.

Or the bar manager who we convinced for 2 days that we were Frank Lampard and John Terry, who told us we drank like champions but took it well when he discovered that we were not the 2 Chelsea players as we sat in the bar and watched them playing football live on his tv.

Was the girl who worked there actually Franz Klammers daughter or was that the "tree" Schnapps kicking in by then?

Or the Slovenian local radio station that played brilliant indie music all day but ran too many adverts including a macdonalds ad that waffled on in Slovenian until someone shouted "I'm a lurvin eet" at the end.

Or the morning Skidaddle actually fell over in deep powder, his first fall in about 30 years, which all happened in very slow motion.


I think its fair to say that skiing and fun go hand in hand, and most of us have lots of stories to tell that probably are "you had to be there" kind of stories. I have however not laughed quite as much as I have done on many of my skiing trips.

Hope to hear some others stories.....

All of the above.

I forget to mention the Slovenian Army cat that had its hind legs blown off by a landmine and had them replaced by a pair of wheels, who became a ruthless sniper and lived in a secret hideout underneath the chair lift with radar facilities.

God, that Schnapps was strong

Where do I start?

There's the frozen ski lock half way round the Sella Ronda, one of them retractable wire ones with a combination lock. We got back to where our 6 pairs of skis were all locked together to find the combination would now longer work. There followed a scene reminiscent of the film The Plank as we put them over our shoulder and walked to a lift office to borrow a pair of pliers to cut the wire.

I think we scared the locals in Tignes one year as we started to sign Monty Python songs at the top of our voices every time we got on a bus.

We got the first week of the season in Val D'isere, snow coverage was good in places not so good in others. 3 days in Adrian got his skis serviced, the rest of us didn't bother. First run of the day, La Face. At the bottom Adrian's skis were in a worse condition than when he took them in to be serviced. Very difficult to keep a straight face when he showed us, in fact we failed miserably!

One of the guys Steve stopped with the rest of his group, while he was standing there, waiting for stragglers, he stuck his right ski to the left of his left ski. He stood there some more and forgot he'd done it (?!). They then skied off...

One of our group asked one of the chalet hosts where should they go to find the best powder. The rep looked nervously round then suggested they try the Frog and Roast Beef pub…

Imagine the scene, Austrian après, ski lots of noise. One of our group has a mp4 player with him to show some video clips he's taken. Finished with the ski clips they start to watch a few funnies, Angry Kid I think. One of the girls is watching with a little ear piece but can't quite hear the punch line. Just then as the music stops and there's a sudden lull in the noise, she utters the now immortal words 'Did he say butt plug?' The entire room turns and stares.

The wonders of modern technology. With today's video cameras it is possible to film someone, (lets call her Shelia) stuck in the snow, with her skis above her head having skied into a tree and make it look like it is miles from anywhere. Panning round however, shows that the tree is in fact 3 meters from the chalet's ski room and currently the quantity of laughter is hampering any possible rescue attempt…

We're in Jackson Hole, we've got a ski host showing us around the mountain pointing out all the places of interest. He points down and says 'You see that there ranch, that's Dick Chaney's ranch.' Then with the perfect comedy pause he adds. 'I always think this would be the perfect spot for a sniper.'

I'm actually speechless. Tony, that was hilarious!

Andy, also love your stories.

:DMMMMMmmmmm probably the time i was in Serre Chevaliere, we all went to Montgenevre for the day and skied over into Claviere....after a large lunch of lasagne and wine we headed back, having just got off the chair on the link over the boarder it was a thick pea soup. :(

We asked the guide/chalet girl which way to head and she said "aim for the music".....my mate said bet you won't tuck it and schuss, having had mucho wino off i shot into the mist :thumbdown: and headed for the music I could hear in the distance, after a few minutes i could see a couple of skiers polling up a bank of snow....by the time it took me to wonder "what the ******* hell are those two clowns doing" I had hit this bank of snow shot up it at about 40 mph and procceded to take air over the top of a VW Camper van ...and performed a swan dive into Montgenevre carpark. :( :(

Upon checking my marbles a wandered around the carpark collecting my ski's ,pole,s glasses etc and realised the music i had been aiming for was a couple of speakers strapped to the pylon in the middle of the carpark......not amused....but glad to be one piece. :D

My chums after taking a more carefull and sedate pace down ,couldn't find me (thinking about it the carpark was the last place i should have been.....we came by minibus),and had all gone for a swift half).

Happy days :D :D :Dmind you not nearly as dangerous as my cartwheel session down the "Wall" in Tignes.....but thats another story


jon

Announcing to two skiing pals(novices) at the top of the Tux, that they could just bomb this top section as it was 'absolutely impossible to hurt yourself'. So I set off in my style of the time, facing forwards, fast and fearless, only to be found 2 minutes later by afforemetioned pals lying in bank of snow bleeding from my face and screaming in agony clutching an ankle that would put me out of action for 2 days whilst undergoing remonstrations from a female skier, whos head I had missed by inches when travelling about 40ft through the air. Everytime I try and sell an idea these days all I get is renditions of 'it's absolutely impossible......'

Next day at the doctor, when asked how and where I did this injury that required x-rays, nasty painkillers and physio, I replied 'top of the glacier, about 400m down'. He asked 'how did you get down the rest of the way, did the piste control bring you down?' clearly concerned about my impending insurance claim. To which I said ' I snowboarded down'. Not very funny really, but the bollocking the very cute nurse got when she started giggling was hilarious and worth the 300 EUR my insurers didn't pay out.

Walking into Scotty's after taking a bum-slide on the ice past the Mooserwirt bar in St. Anton, to meet up with Tony, Skidaddle and crew only to announce 'F**K, my A**E' at full volume. Much to the amusement everyone who didn't have the benefit of written grammer to aid the interpretation of this sentence..