SKI SINS 2008

I though I had listed all the major ski sins known to man on that last post on this topic,,but skiers are either very imaginative people or very very sinful! You decide!

First a comment if you all do not mind.
There is a fine line between a ski sin and just thoughtless behavior.My partner who was on this field research study of skiing sin noted that many sinful skiers were not really sinning since they were not aware of the 10 skiing commandments!

I suspect few skiers know the famous skiers 10 commandments,,so here was our criteria for this year's truly awful ski sins;

1. dangerous behavior which could harm animals, humans and ski equipment!
2.behavior that is so extreme, ridiculous or socially inappropriate that a child would know it was not acceptable
3.behavior which troubled so much the skiers who witnessed this action that they had nightmares for several weeks and had to take Valium!

As always in Pavel's stories all events occurred and witnessed by research staff along for study! I realize some events might shock some young minds,,thus if you are under 21 please send PM to Dave to be authorized to continue read this post! If you under aged person continue reading this post you will soon have blurred vision your noses will grow long and you will have many bad dreams,,,,so stop NOW!

For you "older" skiers now is the time to get tea, or in Dave Mac's case wiskey before you continue! You will not be able to stop!
For skiers over 60 go to bathroom now!

Dave: Pause for 10 minutes site!!!!!!!!

All back....oh oh I see Jan is just joining us ( his wife let him continue)!

Here we go!

SIN 1
It is early in the morning at this great inn with great fireplace and great central area. There is coffee, tea, toasts, porridge served! All is mellow until we all hear coming from hall way,,,clump clump..clump loud thumping noise that wakes up ever person in every room along the hall!
From the door appears a.....dare I say skier! No No I cannot give such compliments to a total sinner of social grace!
Picture this! A huge overweight man dressed in -40c ski suit 2 hours before lifts open!
Ski boots on and goggles around neck! The beautiful wood floor all marked as the dragging skis making long long grooves on floor!
We all are speechless! Dropping the skis on the sofa! No no the LEATHER SOFA! he passes in front of the polite line and helps himself!
No comment needed in this sin, perhaps however the way we got him out fast may interest Jan who may see him next year! Casually I tapped him on shoulder and asked what room he was in!Then I ever so slowly mentioned that people with boots on in the general area are billed double rate,,,,so before manager comes he should take boots off! Instantaneously he was taking off his boots while we all watched with glee in our eyes!
Then when he was up! I again tapped him on the shoulder and quietly said, "oh,,forgot to tell you take there is a fine of $100 for any skis INSIDE inn!" In an instant off the sofa went to skis!

Sin 2
At the ski resort there is a large carpeted foyer with many desks to greet skiers! (its a chi chi resort)! It is a general public area!
As I am putting my boots on in front of the fireplace ( I did say it was chi chi), I see two "boarders" coming in with boards and large bags! They begin to strip in order to put on baggy pants, tents, flour bags on head etc....
I happen to have my video so I taped all process and then walked over to them and said, "great great show! Amazing moves! I just taped you and you can tell your parents you will be on UTUBE in an hour"
The pleading began!
You see,,the essence of a ski sin is that it is not done out of ignorance! They knew it was not socially appropriate to strip in THIS spot! They did not care,,,until they found out their parents would know!

SIN 3.
This is a very rare sin! This sin you will not believe occurred so I have a source you can all contact via PM to confirm that it did happen! It is a rare sin because it is an "administrative" sin! A sin that is so odious that if I did not have a strong ego it would mark me for life!
We have a tradition in my family! Every Spring after skiing we have one Corona beer which we drink after a great day of skiing! We hide this beer in snow bank until it is very very cold! Since my sons were not with me,,I decided to introduce this tradition to my research assistant!
I enter into a local grocery store and buy 12 Coronas! At cash counter they ask me for my ID!
I am stunned! Then pleased,,then insulted!

I exclaim, "this is a joke! See this white hair, see this beard , I had my puberty several decades ago!It seems clear that I am at least well over 50!"
"Sorry sir, but must ask all for ID" is the reply!

A pause in the battle of ID's happens! The battle lines are set! All eyes are on me! This is clearly an attack on my honor! I had to think of a quick counter-attack!( because I was not going to show my ID, since I did not have one since I left high school 40 years ago)!
With a dramatic flip of my hand I wipe out a driver's car with all sorts of numbers! You know those 22 digit numbers that no one knows!
"See here....I was born in 1842" I exclaim so give me my Coronas!
"Thank you sir, here is your change" said the robot!
Out we went,,with my partner doing the math in his head! He always wanted to know my age! Just like a lot of you on this site!
Just do the math! Then laugth!

Or perhaps I was really born in 1842!

Sin 4!
This sin I hope you never do,because if ever you do this sin,,,,you will never ever ski with me! In my books this sin is a personal no no! I take this sin personally! It touches me to the core of my being!
In all skiing relationships there is the Alpha skier and the rest! You can always tell the Alpha skier since he/she is the one who takes off at top first! All follow after! He/she takes the best line! The steepest run! The quickest line as all fall back!
One of the duties of the "others" is to prepare the Coronas for the Alpha! This means selecting a correct cooling area! It has to be perfect, just like when a bird selects a spot to place her egg!Then at end of hot sunny day,,the Corona is brought and the bonding ceremony is done!
At this point you are asking,,,"ok ok Pavel WHAT is the terrible sin?"

The terrible sin is forgetting to place Corona in stream!
You see when you ski all day,,,,I mean all day with no lunch and just sips of water and nuts you begin to fantasies about that Corona! You begin to feel that cold cold liquid entering into you body,,giving that buzz!

It happened! The sin was done!

I am now looking for another research assistant for my 2009 ski projects! You must be able to ski for 5 days continously and adapt to at least 20 pair of skis! No complaining allowed about old men skiing too fast!
Applications must be sent via PM!

Hope you sinners will now confess and promise not to repeat!

That's a good reminder for those heading west. A lot of places in the US require a photo ID befor serving alcohol (drinking age in most of US is 21). This is flattering when you are in your thirties, but to use the local vernacular, a crock of s**t when your are 50+. You will find there are a lot of "job's worth types" in the US.

Trencher