Basic Procedures to learn WITHOUT ski instructor !

Gentlemen,

I feel so "relieved" that my secret is shared by you.

My wife was the one who initiated me to this "women's" secret and I thank her for it.

I will now share another secret with you. I have discovered a "travel unit for mother's" which I am too macho to show anyone ( too many skier friends who already laugh at me for my "special ski bag", special boot heaters, special boot powder, special face cream ), so I have placed North Face, Spyder and Descent stickers on this plastic container. All ask what it is, when they see me take it out. I give give a vague answer, that is until a friend needs some!
Then it becomes our secret and next day another skier who has a North Face, Spyder and Descent unit.

Great stuff. The secret is out.

You all realize now that once these companies know about this post, they will re-package units with a special ski picture and increase price 5 times.
I see the marketing now!

"Great new ski product. It will make you ski faster with greater assurance. No worries to Free Ski far away from those lodges. Try those virgin bowls with no worries with out new SKI FREE product"
Just 25 euros. 5 scents available. Pine, Flakies, Fresh Mountain, Soft Snow, Cool Ice.

Dave watch out ,,,,,,,,they will come.

I have received some considerable ridicule over the years for some of the stuff I pack and carry on all types of holiday.

Until .....
:mrgreen:

Back to our "ski procedure".

This next phase must be mastered based on one critical concept.

It has many names. I call it the Wave Phenomena. You will understand once I describe it since most experienced skiers know this phenomena. To really understand this and master the competence which is related you need some background information.

You will often hear in skiing this phrase, "timing is critical". What you do, WHEN you do it is the key to great skiing. This next procedure is based on this timing idea.

Another observation or comment based on some years of skiing is that most skiers have a "herding predisposition". They all arrive at same time, eat at same time, ski as a group down the same run and of course all go to bathroom at same time ( not in same stall but,,,).

Now you know where the term wave comes from. Now you know what the term, "ahead of the wave means". It is critical for a smart skier to be ahead of the wave at ski lifts, at chalet, in bathrooms, bars, etc,,,,!

I stop to eat at 11:30 and before eating I visit the urinals before the herd. I never bring my ski pack, gloves, hat, helmet with me since I have friends who stay at table and watch all material. We share tasks. One gets coffee, food. One watches table. Other goes to toilet. No need to carry all material to another place. That is how you drop gloves, mitts, glasses in hall or stairs. I take jacket, ski sweater off. I am down to my essentials when I visit the WC .

When I am alone I find a nice looking couple and ask to sit with them. We talk and after 5 minutes I ask them to watch my gloves, hat etc,,,while I go to bathroom,,yes ahead of the curve. Before the herd comes in.

By 11:50 I am outside ready to get on slopes,,,while herd is coming in. Free slopes for me.

Try using this Wave Approach not only in skiing, but in other matters in life. It will result in great happiness since you have become a leader rather than a follower (in a herd ).

That is what you learn while skiing.

I do remember discussing toilet subjects on here before, and someone suggested using a gadget known as the 'Whiz Freedom'on ski holidays:

http://www.whizproducts.co.uk/en/whiz_freedom_faqs.aspx#faq-10

The obvious question arises, "what if I am not ahead of the curve? "

This post is for those in the herd.

Rarely will you read in my texts the famous DO NOT, but I must post some now.

In my area there are " stalls for special cases". DO NOT use them for what ever reason.

DO NOT bring skis into your stall. You will never live it down. Your reputation will be ruined.

Do NOT ask over the stall for extra paper.

Do NOT offer money to anyone to "liberate" a stall.

DO NOT sing in stall. ( that means also grunts, haaas,,,ho hos and moans )

Do NOT sneak under a stall wall to get to a closed free unit! It means it is defective.

Finally ( this is for males ) I realize that in some herding groups the distance each male of the species can eject his fluids seems to correlate with his libido level. However do not demonstrate this great ability indoors. Keep body well INTO the urinal.

Also never go into stall and leave your jacket , gloves etc,,,on sink counter. Bring all into stall and hope for hooks!

In short,,,hope for the best while you are with herd in bathroom. Use elbows wisely. Pleading will not help. Crying may help if you are 8 years old or younger.

End ( phew ).

I tend to rate a ski domaine by the availability of loos at lift stations around the mountain.
:oops:

Old Andy.
Do I detect a blush ?

Amazing how, as you "age" your priorities change also.

All students in architecture should visit ski resorts and note "problem areas'.

Clearly one is the areas for women. Same chalet have same number of units for men and women. Speak to any women and they will tell you there should be twice the number of units for women.

I would like to finish this serious topic with a story. It happened to me several years ago when I was younger, full of ,,,,,,fun and a little "deviant".

A ski resort I always visit decide to build a huge modern post and beam chalet. As in all projects they ended up a little late so as the skiing season began there were still some work to be done.
Right where we were seated at bar, were two new WCs side by side. I noticed that the signs were just paper and just glued on by a tape.

My Id began to plan a "project".

Yes ,,I must confess I switched the signs. What an evening we had.

The skiers who had gone to the WC previously did not pay attention to the switch.

The innocent skiers ( many females) followed the signs.

Soon a scrum occurred in the rooms. Bodies came out fast. More when in. A buzz was heard in the bar as the women planned an attack.

What happened inside the rooms was "entertaining". The women once inside clearly determined that this was not a usual women's WC but they stood their ground. They would not let the men in !
According to the sign this was their place and they would defend it. Strange sounds came out of the room. Men were physically pushed out. The bartender was told to get out.
That night,,,,and only that night that room was theirs. Two women skiers stayed at the door and protected the territory. No men allowed was the word passed along.
The statement was made.

At 10 pm both rooms now had WOMEN signs on them. We had to walk down to changing area 2 floors down.

Score Men = 0 Women =2

What a night.

( sorry can not find blushing icon )...

PS How do you get this blush??????

I can't beleive you guy's carry wet wipes and bog roll ..... regular as clock work me, 1st thing every morning :thumbup: