A Male's Computer Software Problem

Please read this with some humor!

No "hidden" message intended, except some fun about all our problems with computers and the OH!


Subject: A common male “computer” problem and an answer


Read it since it may help you!


Dear Tech Support Team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program, Wife 1.0 installed itself into
all other programs and now monitors all other system activities such as:
Applications BachelorNights 10.3,
Football 5.0, Beer-With-Buddies 7.5 ,
Outings 3.6 , Skiing Trips 10.6 and finally J2ski is automaticaly deleted when I want to chat!
All of the above no longer run, crashing the system whenever I select any of the above. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications or visit my favorite ski sites.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help! Thanks,
Mike
A Troubled Male User


REPLY From “Experienced System Analyst

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that many male users complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation and conflict. Also contact Dave at J2ski for possible “private” viewings via new system!

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs such as;
Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 , Do-Laundry 4.2 and entertain, however, be very careful how you use these programs since they are old programs developed by men with no adaptation to future computer contexts. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 and I will not ski with you .
Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional support software. I recommend Porsche 911 version 2.1, Fischer SL ( 158 cm) 5.0, or Descente Ultima 09!


STATUTORY WARNING :
DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary with ShortSkirt 3.3 or Ski Buddy 06. These applications are not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support Ellis

Nice one! In response to that for the technical problems us girls have....

Dear Technical Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance — particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. The new program also began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate

——————————————————–

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: ” C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME” and try to download Tears 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

Touche'

Trencher

Gordieski,
You beat me to the second (male) version!

Excellent version!

May I ask? Are you speaking from experience or have you observed this "computer problem" on others!

Also, is this a major world wide "computer problem" or just some specific adults!

Hi Pavel,

I have yet to upgrade to Husband 1.0, its a much more complex version than I am capable of dealing with. I find regular updates of Boyfriend 5.0 are much more able to cope with SkiChat3.0 and Girly Holidays 7.0, however, I do find that without regular updates, Boyfriend 5.0 can be prone to the same problems as Husband 1.0, a lot or friends have the same problems too!!! :lol:

I'm afraid I couldn't find reference to the various Ski packages that are incompatable with Husband 1.0 or Boyfriend 5.0, your research was obviously better carried out!!! :wink: Perhaps AJ, caron-a , bandit or RoseR may have come across more of these problems???!!

GeordieSki wrote:Hi Pavel,

I have yet to upgrade to Husband 1.0, its a much more complex version than I am capable of dealing with. I find regular updates of Boyfriend 5.0 are much more able to cope with SkiChat3.0 and Girly Holidays 7.0, however, I do find that without regular updates, Boyfriend 5.0 can be prone to the same problems as Husband 1.0, a lot or friends have the same problems too!!! :lol:

I'm afraid I couldn't find reference to the various Ski packages that are incompatable with Husband 1.0 or Boyfriend 5.0, your research was obviously better carried out!!! :wink: Perhaps AJ, caron-a , bandit or RoseR may have come across more of these problems???!!

Well I am on Husband no 3.0, have always been waiting for the upgraded version, all ski packages compatible to this version but not the 1.0, or the 2.0 version, thats why they had to go, to make way for the updated version.

I can not speak for women, however it seems to me that whenever you get newer versions they promise; better faster, more powerful visuals, more memory, better performance yet they are more "maintenace, incompatible with your "settings", and without manuals!

At least with older versions you got a basic manual that "prepared" you to that version 1! Now when version 3.8 gets slower, less dynamic,etc,,,,how do you find solutions! Those newer versions are complicated!

Respectfully,
version oo1

pavelski wrote:I can not speak for women, however it seems to me that whenever you get newer versions they promise; better faster, more powerful visuals, more memory, better performance yet they are more "maintenace, incompatible with your "settings", and without manuals!

At least with older versions you got a basic manual that "prepared" you to that version 1! Now when version 3.8 gets slower, less dynamic,etc,,,,how do you find solutions! Those newer versions are complicated!

Respectfully,
version oo1

No definately my upgrated model meets all expectations, but then it is a mucher younger version than the 1.0 and the 2.0 model. :lol: