Ski School

Apart from skiing and water colour painting alpine views, I also do a small amount of song writing, but only about skiing and the mountains.

It's November, and this is a time I normally try some more ski song writing. Last year, I garnered assistance from J2skiers, and filched some ideas, in producing "Magic Skis" ~ a fantasy of having a pair of magic skis, and a day in their life. This was later looked over by an ex-member of Fairport Convention, who is a full time singer songwriter. He made a few suggestions to provide some polish~ although he lost some of the "ski-ness".

This year, my request to J2skiers is contributions for a song that will just be called "Ski School", or "Ski Skool". Much depends on how the content ends up.

It will have a humourous angle, although some of the humour may be black. I would like your ski school experiences. These will be filtered, and maybe joined up, modified, reversed ~ you get the picture. I want to end up with a balanced series of episodes.

It will be written from the angle of a cynical, frosty, seen-it-all ski instructor, :mrgreen: but what he says should resonate with those who have suffered at his hands, or those of a similar ilk. My problem is ~ although I have skied for at least two hundred years, errm, I have, errm, never been in ski class. :(

Contributions and ideas are welcomed, at least we should have some fun. In "Magic Skis", I used ideas from TonyH, EmmaEvs, and others. Everyone has different experiences!

Ich danke...

Perhaps you should plagiarise the 1979 release, Language School, by post-punk power pop combo The Tours.

The opening stanza of this bouncy ditty begins

"I am a teacher in a language school,'

And it could become

"I am a teacher in a skiing school'

(Original recording can be heard on something called spotify!)

I'll get me coat..... :mrgreen:

How about... teach them all, teach them all, the long the sort and the tall,

I can write the words, guys, I spawned a wordsmith... it is the situations I need.
Go and start your own songs.....but choose a different ski subject please.

C'mon, what happened in your ski class ~ could have happened to someone else in class, maybe someone you didn't really like.... Ok, perhaps if you have been/are a schileurer, what happened in your class.

I have plenty! Will provide in the morning when I am awake :)

2001. December, Val Thorens.
Never even seen a pair of skis before in my life.
I was planning for some fun and a good deal of drinking and revelry. I found myself in bed before 10 every night....

No one told me about the pain. The boots. The cold. Getting on and off lifts.
2 days spent standing around in the freezing bitter cold, minus 25 at midday in the sun. Being taught how to fall over and stand up again. WTF did I want to fall over for? But fall over I did, for quite a few season after as well.

I don't remember his name now, but I wanted him dead. My ski instructor. We shared a cigarette on the chair lift, and a few jokes too, but we didn't share a love for skiing. Not until we started to parallel anyway.

Evenings sat in the bath, almost crying with pain, looking down at the bleeding shins. I told you no one told me about the boots.

Christmas day up at the highest point. Bridget clinging on the pole in the middle of the cable car, she doesnt like heights, the cime du caron might not have been such a good idea.

But I really wanted him dead. I planned to use the razor sharp edges of my skis. Except they were blunt.

And then we learned to parallel, and suddenly it was a different world. The lady from the himalayas in my ski school group was still shuffling along at the edge of the piste holding on to the barrier at the end of the week as finally I managed to make it from top to bottom of a piste. An easy blue. Or at least it is to me now.

Ski school. I wanted him dead you know.

"follow me down here then"

10 mins of terror later.....

"was that Black???? - we've never done black before"

"I'd say it was more deep purple than black - and you were ready, you're not dead are you!? - trust me I'm a Ski Instructor"


There's also the fact that, in general terms, my mate Ted and me can "get down" pretty much anything, albeit with little or no style. However put us near a ski instructor and we're garbage and fall over on deceptively flat and unimpeding bits....

First day on skis. At the bottom of the learners' slope was a cafe with outdoor tables. I, being unable to stop or turn, skied straight through the tables and chairs, knocking them aside like skittles.

Day 2. I'm quite well-built, but our instructor was probably 8 stone ringing wet. I was dreading the moment when I might fall over and he would have to heave me upright. I was right to be concerned. When the moment came, I succeeded in pulling him down on top of me, much to the hilarity of the rest of the group.